One Fourth

Twenty-four. . . eighteen. . . twelve. . . and now six. I cannot believe it has been eighteen months since Zachary left on his mission. What a rocky, exciting, depressing, learning experience the past eighteen months have been. Would I have ever chosen to have a missionary? No, I definitely would not have. When my parents told me not to date exclusively in high school, this is exactly the reason why. You date exclusive, you get attached, and everything becomes difficult. . .

I remember once when I was younger, I'm guessing ten, my dad asked me what I would do if I had a boyfriend when I got older who said he wasn't going to go on a mission because he wanted to stay home with me. I told him, "Dad, I would say to him, 'You go on a mission or I will not marry you, because I am only going to marry a returned missionary!!!'" . . .Then I grew up and got stuck in a situation where that could happen and I wouldn't stop him from staying home. I never planned to have a missionary. I always figured I would date in high school and then once out I would date the older returned missionaries, I never expected my high school relationships to go far. But then all of a sudden my high school relationship had turned into something more, and my boyfriend had to make that decision to stay home with me and his family, or leave on a mission. I also had to make the decision to dump him and not waste two years, or take my chances and wait for him. Since Zach is out on a mission, it's obvious what decision he made. And since I am writing this post, it is obvious what decision I made. But was it an easy decision? Not even a little. Would it have been easier to forget about him and try to find someone else? Probably. But when you feel like you love someone as much as I love Zachary, you have to take chances like that.

Waiting for a missionary is risky. I have a lot of friends who are waiting or have waited, and about half of them haven't worked out. Some dumped their missionary while he was out, some got dumped by their missionary while he was out, and some had the boy come home only to find out they don't click anymore. You never know what is going to happen,  you can only hope for the best. This is also why I don't tell people that Zach and I are going to get married. What bothers me more than anything is when people ask, "Are you going to marry your missionary?" Do I look like a freaking psychic? I can't tell the future. Do I hope to marry him? Yes. But do I know if I'm going to? It is impossible to know before he's even home. Things might have been perfect before he left and they may be perfect on paper, but two years is a long time to change. When he gets home it'll be like dating someone new, and we'll need time to get to know each other all over again.

Zach and I get to do something most couples never get. We get a second chance at making things perfect. We get to go through the "honeymoon phase" all over again. We get to have another first date, another first kiss, more butterflies, and new memories. We get a chance at redoing everything we did wrong. We get to try all over to make our relationship as perfect as we can. We are so lucky to have this opportunity, and whether starting over brings us closer together or farther apart, it'll be an experience worth having.

Six months left. May, June, July, August, September, home in October. That's it. We went from twenty-four months to six. One fourth of his mission. 730 days to 182ish. I'm praying these last six months go by as fast as the first eighteen did.

I love my missionary and can't wait to see him this fall!