I AM ENGAGED!!!

Since I got engaged I decided to start a new blog about my future hubs and I. So if you're following me on here, go over to my new blog and follow me there, where I will be blogging from now on!

csrandall.blogspot.com

I speak words when I feel this way.

I have a. . .wait for it. . . boyfriend! His name is Shane, and he's made me happier than I ever thought I could be.  We have only been dating since August 9th, but we have yet to go a day without seeing each other. I feel like I know everything about him and he knows everything about me. We fit together like two pieces of a two piece puzzle. We are perfect for each other.

Shane is the funniest guy I've ever met in my entire life. If you doubt me, check out his youtube videos, they are the greatest. http://www.youtube.com/user/Crenahs He is also the sweetest, most amazing, best guy I've ever dated, and I do. . . yes. . . I love him. Whoa, the L word?! Calm down, No! I do love him. (Whoa, multiple personalities fighting right there.)

My life is heading in a completely different direction than I expected it to. Had you told me a month ago that I would ever be this happy, ever feel this good about myself, ever have another boyfriend even, I'd have laughed in your face. I feel like a completely different person than I was just a month ago, and I don't even mind, I do not!

Shane is the first guy I have dated who has made me feel like a better person. I have changed some things in my life that were keeping me from being awesome, and I have made all of these changes willingly even! Shane makes me want to be a better person, and I love love love it! I have given up rated R movies and swearing, (WHOA?! Candice Hermansen isn't watching bad movies and saying bad words anymore?! Whoever thought they'd see that day?! "Not I", said the cat.) I wear my seat belt almost 100% of the time, (the only time I don't is when I honestly forget,) I don't speak so negatively anymore, I pray a lot more than I used to, and I just feel happier. My favorite is when I'm told I act happier than I used to. I love it, because I am happier than I was, happier than I've ever been, and you know it's not only because of Shane, but because I have made some very good decisions in my life recently. Go me!

I'm a very happy person now. I bet you'd enjoy my presence.

Oh just this one update.

No one reads this.

I don't even mind.


Update of my life. I got a job offer in St. George, amazing right?? I was going to take it, I wanted to take it, I should have taken it, but for some reason I couldn't get myself to take it! There's something about where I am right now that is just, right. Not sure if it has to do with my sister, some friends, my clients at work, or what, but I just need to stay here. I still want to move to St. George more than anything, but, it can wait a little while.

I am dating people and I am loving it! There are some I date that I most definitely like more than others, but most every guy is pretty awesome. It's so different than my past dating experiences. I'm used to attracting all sorts of creepers, really, ALL sorts, (nasty indian band guy, in trouble with cops guy, not show up twice in two days guy, make out psycho, too nice guy, girl from behind guy, guy who sends friend to go on date instead of him and doesn't bother telling you guy, and guy who talks on phone in theater during a movie while on the date, to name a few.) But lately I've been attracting normalish guys! By normalish I mean they're not normal enough to be boring, and not weird enough to be in the psycho category, does that make sense? Yes. For ONCE in my life, dating is really fun!

My job is getting crazy. I'm not sure what it is, but the clients have gone mad! Today alone I had one client open the door while I was driving, one client hit me while I was trying to drive, one client call the police, one client tangle her fingers into my hair, one client attack me by scratching, grabbing, and trying to bite, one client have to get restrained by 3 guys, and one client have a major freak out. I love my job, and all though the days are getting more and more difficult, I am trying my best to help these clients, because they deserve someone to treat them good and prove to them that you're not there for the money, you actually want to help them. As much as I talk bad about my job on the hardest days, I really appreciate them! If it weren't for the hard days, I wouldn't appreciate the good ones!

My little niece turns 2 today. She is flipping adorable, and she's having a Yo Gabba Gabba birthday party tomorrow night that I am a little too excited for! Happy Birthday Alyssa!!

I found something that I love, pinterest.com. It is an amazing website, and you don't have to be subscribed to it to enjoy it, (I'm not!) It's basically an electronic pin board where people post their favorite things. It's amazing, you will love it!

Smile

So many things are happening in my life right now that it's hard to stay on the bright side, but I'm trying. I'm focusing on me and trying to do what's best for me. . . I just hope all the decisions I'm making are the right ones.

St. George

Hello blog! It sure has been a while! I used to be so good at keeping up with life on here, but it gets hard to write when you work 50+ hour weeks AND try to see friends once in a while. Oh my.

I just wanted to say something about St. George, UT. There is something about it that is calling my name! Ever since my first trip there, I told my parents, that one day I would live there. Back then it was because I wanted palm trees and I didn't want a yard I had to take care of. Now it's the atmosphere, the way it makes me feel. St. George just makes me happy. I don't know if it's the sun and heat or what, but I feel better in St. George.

I will live there one day, and I will love it.

Keep Holding On

As much as trials suck to go through, it seems like when you've overcome one, you always come out a better person because of it. While you're going through the trial, whether it's something like a loss of a loved one, low self esteem, break up, or something so much bigger, it can seem impossible to defeat. But you need to remember, and keep telling yourself, that God would never put you through anything you couldn't handle. One of the hardest things for me to remember is that my life is not that hard. Sometimes I think I have it so much worse than others, that my life is so tough, boo hoo, all that crap,so I often have to tell myself that, 1.You have absolutely NO idea what is going through other's heads or behind closed doors, and 2. That only means that you are a stronger person than some others are and God knows that. I'm not saying that remembering any of this will make a trial seem easier, or make it simply disappear, I'm just trying to tell not only myself, but those who I know are struggling right now, that everyone goes through it, and everyone survives it. There are ways to cope, and you will be okay in the end.

One song that I always listen to when I'm at my lowest low and want to curl up in my bed and never get out is Avril Lavigne's song, Keep Holding On. Super extremely cheesy, I know, but cheesy is not always a bad thing. Really though, the lyrics to this song can pull me out of anything. You're not alone, together we stand, I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand. When it gets cold, and it feels like the end, there's no place to go, you know I won't give in. Keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through. Just stay strong, 'cause you know I'm here for you.

Awww, I think this is the absolute cheesiest post I have ever written. I don't care, I love it.


. . .Oh wow, I sound a bit scatterbrained in here as well. Hope it all can be understood in the way I wanted it to be. . .


Not sure how to end this. I guess what I'm trying to tell myself is I'm awesome and I can overcome anything. And hey, you're awesome and can overcome anything too I bet, 'cause if you're reading this, that means we're friends, and I don't have a single friend who is not freaking awesome!

Long Overdue

Wow. . . First of all let me apologize for not writing for so long. I have had a lot of, I guess you could call them, life changing events happen to me recently. I've been so busy I haven't been able to write. BUT, I finally found a little time when I can sit down, put my feet up, drink some diet coke, and write away.

• I have been working 50-60 hours a week at work. It's been challenging as I get so exhausted sometimes, but I do enjoy it. I get to drive a lot with my job, so that's a huge plus. Three days a week I go to Bountiful twice,  two days a week I go to Riverton twice, and all five days I go to Kearns, Taylorsville, and West Jordan two times. I used to go to Eagle Mountain and Pleasant Grove twice a week, but that part of my work ended. Hopefully I'll get a new group going in Lehi with the Pleasant Grove client also. More driving, woo! Besides the driving, I also have been having a lot of fun with my clients. It's been crazy at work since our day program doubled from five clients to eleven. The paperwork sucks, but the clients are so entertaining! My favorite so far was when one of our clients was using the bathroom, we heard him yell, "APPLE PIE!" For no reason, no reason at all. It was awesome. (Just an FYI for those who don't know, I run a day program for handicapped adults.)
• I went to my first concert that was not for a local band. I went to BRUNO MARS!! He is gorgeous, he is talented, he is a great dancer, he has a great body, he is. . . sigh. . . I'm in love with Bruno Mars. If he weren't a druggie, I'd be trying to convert and marry the crap out of him!
• I am single. No more missionary. At first it was only his decision, but as time went on, I realized that this is exactly what I needed to be truly happy. I need to be FREE. I need to let myself do what I want and not worry about anything else. I don't want any commitments with anyone. I want to be my own self, worry about my own self, and have fun for once. So. . . boys out there. . .  I'm single. ;)
• I bought these really awesome jeans from The Fashion Corner. It's a warehouse located in Draper, UT at 12577 S. 265 W. #3B, for anyone interested. My jeans are way cute and look designer, but they were only $4O each! I have never tried on a pair of jeans and been happy with the feel and fit, and I was VERY pleased right away with this place! They'd better stick around forever, because that's where I'm buying my jeans from now on.
• Katy Perry's new music video for TGIF is genius and I love it and recommend that all three of you who are reading this right now, go watch it as soon as you're finished reading! Do it! I Dare You!!
• I love He is We. I know I'm behind on finding them, but their song Happily Ever After is adorable and I can't get enough of it. I am a bit of a closet romantic. I pretend not to care and I hate PDA and I act like anything lovey is ewwwwww, but secretly. . . I can't get enough of it!!!
• A NEW artist that I found who is simply amazing, is Karmin. Look her up on youtube by searching for Karmincovers. I recommend her cover of Look At Me Now. It's awesome and her personality is unique. She's very entertaining to watch and I guarantee she'll have SOMETHING you'll like. She does a lot of covers, but she also has original songs and then some funny videos. She's so awesome. 

 

The 5 R's

If you know me well, you know that just about everything stresses me out. School, work, confrontation, crowds, parties, people, money, cashiers, new places, etc. I'm a bit of a nervous wreck all the time. So, to help myself out, (because it was getting out of control,) I took a Stress Management class this semester in school. It helped a little as I have found a few new ways to cope, but I still get stresssed more than I should so I am going to continue working on it.

We had to do a project at the end of the semester about the 5 R's. The 5 R's are rethink, reduce, relax, release, and reorganize. We had to come up with two techniques we can use in our daily lives for each R. I found this to be extemely helpful for me as putting something like this on paper really helped my motivation to actually try to reduce my stress level instead of thinking it's not possible and giving up.

To help me remember my Stress Management plan, because we all know I'm going to lose my paper eventually and if I don't record this somewhere I'll forget it, I'm going to share my plan on here. Right down there. . . .

RETHINK

          1. Positive Thinking: I am going to let this secret out; I am one of the most negative people you could ever meet. If I say something positive, it's probably a lie. I don't like being negative, but it's really hard for me to see the good in anything. So my first technique to become stress free is to force myself to be optimistic. This may be the hardest thing for me, but if I can get myself to do this, I know that I'll be a less stressed and happier person.

         2. Pacing: I am a fast walker. I am a multi tasker. I am a busy bee. I am a time waster. I do a lot of things all the time, and if I'm not doing something, my mind is racing 100mph. I never can get myself to just relax and not think about a billion things or even take my time on the little things. I am going to work on enjoying the little things in life; good weather, compliments, no traffic. . . and quit trying to go go go.

REDUCE

          1. Time Management: I procrastinate. I mean, I get a lot done, but it's never the things I need to do, it's always things that don't matter. I love drawing, I love movies, and I love playing online, (horrible! I know.) I am going to work on finding ways to manage my time better so that I can get the have to do's finished first, and then maybe if I have free time, do the time wasting things that I love doing so much.

          2. Saying No: I'm a butt kissing people pleaser, I admit it. I hate saying no to anything and I really can't do confrontation. (Why cause conflict when it's so much easier to just say yes?) I always thought saying yes to everyone and everything was good for me because it makes everyone like me, but I recently learned that it doesn't matter how many people like you, and really it's impossible to get everybody to like you, so why sacrifice your time and well being to please someone who it actually may not be pleasing at all? Saying yes does nothing but cause stress and turn you into a push over. It's going to be hard to start saying no to people. . . . but the more you practice it, the easier it gets, right? (I hope so anyway. . . .)

RELAX

          1. Coloring: I discovered when I was 17 years old that a really good Therapeutic way of coping with things for me is to color. I don't know what it is about coloring, but it helps. A lot. After taking Stress Management though I realized I don't color enough. I never color actually. Maybe that's why things have been difficult lately? I want to get back into this as it seems to be really good for me. First thing on my shopping list: Coloring book.

          2. Music: Whether it's listening to music or singing along to music, it helps. It's actually called sound meditation. . . and it's amazing. Listening to music helps distract me for a few minutes about daily tasks or events that have caused me too much stress. I want to do this more often to help me relax more and reduce my stress. . . .I just need to buy a new Ipod first, dang it.

RELEASE

          1. Driving: I love driving far distances. Driving is my time to think about whatever I want, sing as loud as I can, or solve problems outloud. When I drive I usually am doing one of three things: singing, talking to myself, or praying. It sounds a little odd I know, but that's the only time I really do those things, and it's a huge stress reliever. I drive to Bountiful and Eagle Mountain often for my job, and those drives have really helped me with some things I've had to deal with. I love it.

          2. Zumba: Along with Stress Management, I took a Zumba class this semester. I found the days that I had Zumba I was feeling better, working harder, and smiling more. I felt better about myself and was able to problem solve easier. I always thought it was a lie when someone said exercise makes you happy, because I'd never found any exercise that I really enjoyed doing, but then I discovered Zumba. It really is so much fun and so good for you! Now that the semester is over, I'm not in Zumba anymore, but I am planning on going to a class they have by my house twice a week. We'll see how that goes, (I'm excited!)

REORGANIZE

          1. ACT List: The ACT list is a list of daily tasks you write up for yourself everyday. You divide the list into three categories; A, C, and T. The A section are the ones you have to do. The ones that you ABSOLUTELY need to get done. The C section are the ones you COULD do, but it's not the end of the world if you don't accomplish them. And the T section are the ones you can TRY to do if you want, but they're more the fun things and the wants, so it's ok to not even touch this section if you don't have time. I did this list for a week as an assignment and it was awesome.  I'm hoping to make it habitual to this list everyday. Hopefully it happens, I'm crossing my fingers!

          2. My Plan: Really this is just putting my Stress Management plan into action. I worked really hard on this plan and coming up with techniques that really do seem to help reduce my stress level and anxiety. I feel like if I can get this plan going and make steady and continual progress, then my life will completely flip around.

Woo! Here's to having a stress free life one day! (Hopefully.)

I used this to help me present my project.
(I'm proud, it's all free hand.)

I Love Love Love It.

I love making lists, it's one of my favorite things to do. That being said, I decided to make a list. This is a list of my favorite simple things. Most of which are things that I would do anything for. I love my favorite things.

• Bubble gum. Not minty gum, not just any boring chewing gum. Wrigley's Classic Bubble Gum. When I have it, I go through about a pack a day. (Makes me sound a bit like a smoker. Bahaha.) It's super addicting, and even though the flavor goes away fast, it's tastes amazing.
• Kitchen supplies. I don't know what it is about kitchen supplies that I love so much, but I get way too excited every time I get something new for my kitchen. My parents gave me a container for my cereal for Easter and I was so excited!!
• Slinkies. They can keep me busy for hours. I used to have one, but some kids got a hold of it and sort of destroyed it. Mine was a purple plastic one, but the metal ones are definitely the best. They're almost therapeutic for me. I get anxious and stressed extremely easy, but keeping my hands busy usually help calm me down. Who wouldn't love a slinky?
• New Music. I'll listen to the radio, but it's not so much my favorite. What I really like is looking for new artists or songs; and I really love acoustics, covers, and instrumental songs. They're almost always better than the original, (at least the ones I find are.)
• Downtown. I love going downtown. Driving around down there in the summer time, listening to some awesome music, and having someone awesome with you, is the perfect day for me. I really love Sugarhouse park, and there's a Red Robin downtown that just makes me happy every time I drive past it, (cute memory there.) Duh, I want to go for a drive downtown now!
• Earrings. Whether they're big and chunky or little studs, I love earrings I can't live without them. When I don't wear earrings I feel naked, like something isn't right, and that makes me have a bad day. Because feeling naked in front of people is not a good feeling.
• Movies. I have a horrible addiction to movies. I try not to go to Blockbuster because I always end up leaving with the 4 for $20 deal, and Walmart's $5 bin is a disaster. If I see a movie in there that I've seen once and thought it was all right, watched when I was little, or have never seen but thinks it looks decent, I buy it. I probably haven't watched 15% of my movie collection, because I've never really had a desire to actually sit and watch them. But they always seemed like a good investment at the time.
• Notebooks. I like notebooks. I love doodling. I love writing nonsense. I don't let people go through my notebooks because they're usually filled with stupid drawings and random thoughts I felt like writing down. But I love doing it!
• People watching. If you haven't done it, you seriously need to. I can be really shy or seem extremely antisocial, but I'm not really, (ok I am.) But sometimes I'm not, sometimes I'm just watching you or people around you and analyzing what they're doing. So just so you know, if you catch me staring at you, I'm not a creeper. I'm just quietly judging you. (Not really, I try not to judge, but I do try to figure you out.)
• Boy's hair. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with it, but it is so fun to play with it's not even funny. And it's always really soft, (well, depending on who it is I guess. But every guy's hair I've ever played with is awesome.) It's way too fun and I can't get enough of it.

That's all. Just ten. Ten of my favorite simple things.

BZZZZZZZZZZT!

Something that bothers me so so so much is when a phone vibrates so loud, it might as well not be on vibrate. I mean, come on! Vibrate is supposed to make the phone more discreet so that it doesn't disrupt others, but some phones vibrate so loud it's ridiculous! Take my phone for example, I have the LG Chocolate Touch. I usually keep it on silent because the vibrate mode drives me nuts! It'll be in my pocket during a work meeting, and all of a sudden everyone hears, "BZZZZZZZZZT!" It's even worse when you get a call, because then it makes that annoying buzzing sound repeatedly, and you have to rush to either answer or ignore. (Speak of the devil, phone just vibrated. Blech.) What is the point of vibrate if it doesn't make the phone quieter?! My sister's phone is even worse than mine. Her phone vibrates just as loud, but it goes off three or four times for every message she gets, and she's quite the texter so it goes off lots. When vibrating phones are louder than the actual tones, it's time to quit using vibrate and silence your phones people!
Hey guys, phones are annoying.

BFF

I have some good friends, I do!

Brooklyn is the best friend that everyone wants. Not only is she super fun and acts way mature for her age, but she is also my little sister. We didn't always get along, but we've been super close for almost a year now. She is hilarious and we share the same interests. It's impossible not to be myself around her and she doesn't hide how much she cares. She's beautiful and the coolest little girl ever.

Every girl wants a best guy friend. Jordan is mine, and I am so lucky to have him. He's fun to be around and makes me happy. He is constantly making me laugh and I love that. (Funny guys are the best guys!) He occasionally makes me feel stupid, but honestly, who doesn't make me feel stupid? Ha. . . he's very honest, which is very good for me, and he's such an amazing guy. (He's also single and quite the catch ladies!!)

Leshabird is the best! She is gorgeous, loud, and adorable. She is the only person I can be anywhere with and be my complete self. She brings the loud out of me and I love it. (We even danced on a jumbotron together!) I love this girl and would do anything for her!

Kristin is the best friend that everyone needs. She is the most caring, sweet, thoughtful, and honestly nice (not fake nice) person you could ever meet. She cares about everyone and has good things to say about every person she meets. She is beautiful and just the best and I love her!

Zachary is not only my best friend, but my missionary. He is extremely smart, down to earth, has the best sense of humor, and is very thoughtful. He is a great match for me and we are just awesome when we're together. We have a ton of the same interests, but enough different ones that everything is still interesting. We've been best friends for years and years and together for years. He is the ying to my yang, he's the right shoe and I'm the left, he's my other half. I love this guy.

My friends are the best, and I love them so stinking much! I wish I could go on and on about every single one of my friends that I love, but this post would never end!

Aren't best friends amazing??

Amazing!

One Fourth

Twenty-four. . . eighteen. . . twelve. . . and now six. I cannot believe it has been eighteen months since Zachary left on his mission. What a rocky, exciting, depressing, learning experience the past eighteen months have been. Would I have ever chosen to have a missionary? No, I definitely would not have. When my parents told me not to date exclusively in high school, this is exactly the reason why. You date exclusive, you get attached, and everything becomes difficult. . .

I remember once when I was younger, I'm guessing ten, my dad asked me what I would do if I had a boyfriend when I got older who said he wasn't going to go on a mission because he wanted to stay home with me. I told him, "Dad, I would say to him, 'You go on a mission or I will not marry you, because I am only going to marry a returned missionary!!!'" . . .Then I grew up and got stuck in a situation where that could happen and I wouldn't stop him from staying home. I never planned to have a missionary. I always figured I would date in high school and then once out I would date the older returned missionaries, I never expected my high school relationships to go far. But then all of a sudden my high school relationship had turned into something more, and my boyfriend had to make that decision to stay home with me and his family, or leave on a mission. I also had to make the decision to dump him and not waste two years, or take my chances and wait for him. Since Zach is out on a mission, it's obvious what decision he made. And since I am writing this post, it is obvious what decision I made. But was it an easy decision? Not even a little. Would it have been easier to forget about him and try to find someone else? Probably. But when you feel like you love someone as much as I love Zachary, you have to take chances like that.

Waiting for a missionary is risky. I have a lot of friends who are waiting or have waited, and about half of them haven't worked out. Some dumped their missionary while he was out, some got dumped by their missionary while he was out, and some had the boy come home only to find out they don't click anymore. You never know what is going to happen,  you can only hope for the best. This is also why I don't tell people that Zach and I are going to get married. What bothers me more than anything is when people ask, "Are you going to marry your missionary?" Do I look like a freaking psychic? I can't tell the future. Do I hope to marry him? Yes. But do I know if I'm going to? It is impossible to know before he's even home. Things might have been perfect before he left and they may be perfect on paper, but two years is a long time to change. When he gets home it'll be like dating someone new, and we'll need time to get to know each other all over again.

Zach and I get to do something most couples never get. We get a second chance at making things perfect. We get to go through the "honeymoon phase" all over again. We get to have another first date, another first kiss, more butterflies, and new memories. We get a chance at redoing everything we did wrong. We get to try all over to make our relationship as perfect as we can. We are so lucky to have this opportunity, and whether starting over brings us closer together or farther apart, it'll be an experience worth having.

Six months left. May, June, July, August, September, home in October. That's it. We went from twenty-four months to six. One fourth of his mission. 730 days to 182ish. I'm praying these last six months go by as fast as the first eighteen did.

I love my missionary and can't wait to see him this fall!

I should only stress about important things like bears, but I can't help but stress about this!

Long title for a blog post, I know I know.

There are a few things that I am good at. I work well with handicapped children and adults, I'm a pretty good babysitter, and I can be easily entertained. But one thing I am not good at is Math. It's so hard because I just can't remember it. I can pay attention in class, I can take notes, and I understand it. But once it gets to the homework or test, my mind goes blank. If I am being walked through the problem, I can do it no problem. I just can't do it by myself. Because of this, I have decided to take a break from school. It is the hardest decision I have ever made. I want to get a degree and I want to be the best person I can be, but I feel like Math is holding me back. . .

Maybe it's not even the math, maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't have the motivation I should for school; actually I know I don't. I don't know why I haven't been motivated lately, I'm just having a hard time wanting to go on with it. I'm having a hard time seeing the big picture. It blows because I feel like a failure, like I'm giving up, like I'm a horrible and lazy person, but I don't know what else to do. I'm unhappy and can't figure out how to fix it. I'm praying that taking a break from school will help put my mind back where it should be, help make me realize how important school is, and help me find that motivation I lost. It won't be easy not going to school, but I don't know what else to do. I need to get my life back in order and I'm crossing my fingers that this is the right direction my life should be heading in at the moment. . .

Really nervous about this decision. . .sigh.

The Month of May

I cannot wait for May! It is going to be a fantastic month! There are quite a few things going on that I am freaking out about!
To start, the weather will be nicer and that means more sun, more heat, less jackets! (I love Spring!)

I have made so many friends since Zachary has left, and I love them all to death! The first weekend in May I get to go hang out with some of them and I am so excited! These girls bring out the best in me and make me so happy, I can't wait to be around them!

Allred is playing in May and I am hoping so bad that I will be able to go to it! It has been so long since I've been to one of his concerts! Too long!

Spring semester of school is ending! I will be done with school for, quite a while. I am taking a break to get some of my life organized, get some more money saved, take some time for me, and find ways to be happy. Being happy is something I often struggle with, and I am very excited to be a little more stress free and be able to focus on myself a little more. Woo!

I get to go on a tour of a fire station and the zoo for work and I am so excited! It will be so fun, (as long as none of the clients have any behaviors,) I love the zoo! And firefighters!

Mother's day is in May! I am not  mother, but I have one! And I got her a pretty awesome gift. (I love my mom!) But also, missionaries get to call their families on Mother's day, and some of the lucky girlfriends get invited to the houses to talk to their missionary also. I'm one of the lucky ones, and I am so excited! It will be our last phone call, and then five months later we'll be able to talk face to face again! I am getting so anxious and impatient and EXCITED!

I will be paying off most of my car loan! I am paying extra on my loan this month and in May, so that by June my car will be paid off! No more car payments and more money to save! Heck yes!

I was lucky enough to get a ticket to Bruno Mars' concert at the end of May, (thank you so so much mom!!)So I will get to go to that with my best friend in the entire world, my little sister, Brooklyn! I love her and I love Bruno Mars, so it will be so fun! Also, neither of us have been to a concert this big so it should be pretty exciting!


Wooo! Can May just get here faster PLEASE!?

A few things that happened this week.

• I watched the movie I'm Reed Fish. It's one of my favorites starring Jay Baruchel, Alexis Bleidel, and Schuyler Fisk. It's a true story about a boy, Reed Fish, who lives in small town, Mudd Meadows. He's engaged to his high school sweetheart, but then one of their friends comes home from college and he sort of gets torn between the two girls. It's a little depressing and slow in a few spots, but there's a good twist to it that makes it fantastic and worth watching the entire thing.

• I went into Math class and the girl sitting next to me says, "Look at my socks." I looked, and it turned out we had the same exact socks on. If you know me, you know that I do not wear matching socks, so this was kinda funny. Same brand, same blue and pink socks, ha.
• I went to the Clark Planetarium and Gateway with my girls for work. They had a lot of fun in the planetarium, but they seemed to love going into Build-A-Bear and Justice a lot more. I had fun with them and I also decided I do not go downtown enough! I love it there!
• I found out if I pay a little extra this month and next month towards my car loan, then I will have my loan paid off by the end of June. This is so exciting because I have been paying it for two years and I am so ready to start being able to save more money!
• I found sock monkey beanie babies, and I want one. I also want the panda bear pillow pet. I can't get over how cute it is!
• This week was much harder to follow the diet than last week, no idea why, but it was. I only lost one pound. I decided that I am not eating enough at the right times and it's causing problems. If I were eating the right amount then maybe I wouldn't gain when I ate one french fry or a piece of pizza. I'm not writing down what I eat anymore on paper, but I keep it in my phone, just so that I can keep track of how many calories I eat each day. I still drink 100oz. of water and don't eat after 8pm, so that's awesome. My biggest problem though has been . . .my nutella. I love it. I've been putting it on everything, (ok not everything, but I've been eating more than I should, no wonder I didn't lose much,) and it wasn't until yesterday that I brought up the courage to look at the calories. YIKES! Luckily I didn't have much left so I just chucked it, and hopefully now that my biggest temptation is gone I'll be able to do better. Cross my fingers!
• I got pushed out of a van by one of my clients. Luckily it was not in motion.
• I went to a boutique with my mom, sister, and soon to be sister-in-law. I should not have. I bought some awesome new headbands, rings, and a peacock necklace that is gorgeous! I also made my mom pick out her mother's day gift so I got that all out of the way!

One week!

It has been one week of my diet, er, lifestyle. (Lifestyle! Lifestyle!) It went really well and I haven't cheated once. I have lost a total of three pounds so far. . . I wish I had lost more, but three is all right for one week and I do realize that losing weight takes time. I'm going to keep working on this. I'm not saying it's not difficult at times; it's hard when my older sister makes cookies, when my roommates make super bad but super good smelling dinner, when I'm at Subway and want to make it a meal, when I go to Hatch Family Chocolates with my sister, and when my best friend brings fast food over, but it's worth it. I have gone a whole week without any bad food in my system, and I feel fantastic. I have to write about how eating so healthy makes me feel, because when I eat junk I forget how great it feels when you are healthy. I need to remember. . .

1. How happy I feel when I try some clothes on I haven't worn in months and they fit again!
2. How motivating compliments are! Especially when you see someone you haven't seen in a while and they tell you how great you look! GREAT motivation!
3. How I feel better inside and out. I feel like I look good and I feel clean inside. It's a really good feeling.

Wish me luck as I begin week two of my lifestyle! Going to a party tomorrow night and they're making fish tacos, one of my favorites!! It's going to suck, but I have to keep telling myself, IT IS WORTH IT!

My Bucket List

1. Write my life story.
2. Tour a real haunted house
3. Go skydiving
4. Go on a roadtrip to another state
5. Participate in a food fight
6. Get married in the temple
7. Go to Germany
8. Get a picture with fireworks in the background
9. Sing in a karaoke bar
10. Shake hands with a monkey
11. Write a children's book
12. Volunteer in a vineyard
13. Try surfing
14. Catch a fish
15. Paint a self portrait
16. Experience an earthquake
17. Paint a mural
18. Get my fortune told
19. Live in a different country for at least 6 months
20. Go hang gliding
21. Bury a time capsule
22. Go skinny dipping
23. Be an extra in a movie
24. Swim with something big (dolphins, sharks, etc.)
25. Take a cooking class
26. Eat Escargot
27. Photograph an endangered species
28. Own a dog
29. Run away for a day
30. Buy a star
31. Attend a music festival in another country
32. Spend the night in a historic hotel
33. Stay out all night and go to work the next day without having gone home
34. Learn to ride a unicycle
35. Visit a concentration camp
36. Be an audience member of a talk show
37. Set off a fire extinguisher
38. Ride a mechanical bull
39. Gamble in Vegas
40. Learn to dive into a swimming pool
41. Visit Graceland
42. Go horseback riding
43. Take a shower under a waterfall
44. Visit Area 51
45. Solve a Rubik's cube
46. Spend Christmas on vacation
47. Participate in a protest
48. Learn to play a song on the guitar
49. Buy some scratchers
50. Read the Book of Mormon
51. Dye my hair black
52. Teach someone illiterate to read
53. Eat some chocolate covered bugs
54. Climb an active volcano
55. Make a quilt
56. Run a 10k
57. Go zorbing
58. Ride a Tandem bicycle
59. Plant a tree
60. Get a picture in front of the Whitehouse
61. Go to Sea World
62. Own and be able to use a pogo stick
63. Learn sign language
64. Make 1000 paper cranes
65. Try fencing
66. Get a new car
67. Send a message in a bottle
68. Write a song
69. Learn to belly dance
70. Spend a day at a spa
71. See Cirque du Soleil
72. Eat a hot dog from a hot dog stand
73. Sleep one night in a hammock
74. Learn to drive stick
75. Ride in a limousine
76. Spend a week with all electronics off
77. Get a photograph with a major celebrity
78. Buy a house
79. Wear a bikini
80. Take a self defense class
81. Try gouda cheese
82. Go on a cruise
83. Ride the Stratosphere in Vegas
84. Spend a weekend in a cabin with my love
85. Participate in a Chinese Fire Drill
86. Hold a tarantula
87. Build a snow fort
88. Complete a 1000 piece puzzle
89. Sell something to a pawn shop
90. Go ice fishing
91. Color an entire coloring book
92. Ride in a helicopter
93. Learn to make some balloon animals
94. Go dancing and NOT be self conscious
95. Buy something from a flea market
96. Go swimming in a public fountain
97. Splurge on an accessory
98. Make homemade ice cream
99. Visit every temple in Utah
100. Be a mother

Happy Birthday Lynnli!

My niece turns 3 years old tomorrow, so she celebrated today with a party at Jungle Jim's! Who remembers that place?? I remember going to a birthday party there when I was little, stealing tokens, and having to share all the candy I got with them with the other kids at the party. . . It was embarrassing, I was such a brat. Anyway, my niece had an awesome chocolate with whipped cream frosting cake (that I didn't have any of, be proud of me,) and she got some awesome gifts! Play food, a little shopping cart, Tangled DVD and toys, easy bake oven, play dough, just super awesome things! I can't believe my little niece is 3! Time goes by way too fast!!

Happy Birthday Lynnli! I love you, you stinker!

Day 1

So today was the first day of my new "lifestyle," and it went pretty well. Now it's not over yet, but I'm having dinner right now and going to a movie with my best friend at 7pm, and since I'm not eating after 8pm, I should be good!

I woke up this morning and was supposed to go to Zumba, but. . . I didn't. I went back to sleep instead. HOW COULD I DO THAT?!! I love zumba! But I was exhausted and just slept right through it! I will do better at that I swear!

On the bright side, my eating has been fantastic! Here's what I had:

Breakfast:
1/2 cup of fiber one cereal, dry (not a fan of milk): 60 calories.

Lunch:
6 in. veggie sub from Subway (included 2 slices of cheese, lettuce, tomato, olives, pickles, banana peppers, cucumber, and a little mustard on 9 grain wheat bread): About 350 calories.

Snack:
I went grocery shopping so I nibbled on some dried cherries, grapes, and carrots. Estimated amount if calories: 100

Dinner:
Snap Peas (1/2 the package): 80 calories
Broccoli with cheese (1 package,) (I know cheese isn't good for you, but it's the steamers so it comes with the cheese on it.): 135 calories

Water: 100 oz. of water (This is easy if you carry around a 33oz. Smart Water bottle, you only have to drink three of them!)

See how awesome that is? Only 725 calories, and I feel like I've eaten so much today! BUT since I'm under 1,000 calories and that's not healthy for you, I think I'll take some almonds and dried cherries to the movies! (Just realized I haven't had protein yet today! Oops!)

I know tomorrow is going to be difficult because it's my niece's birthday, but I'm going to hope for the best and have the best will power that I can! Ahhhh! Wish me luck!!

Lifestyle Change

Beginning tomorrow, April first, I am going to "change my lifestyle." I don't call it a diet because diets do not work. I have made up some guidelines that I would like to follow consistently for three months, (and hopefully by then it'll all be habit!) They are:

• Eat mostly fruits and vegetables. They are good for you and it's nearly impossible to have too much!
• Eat whole grains and stay away from processed foods as much as possible.
• Drastically limit my soda intake, (to 0-1 every few weeks.)
• Eat a good breakfast every single day.
• Drink at least 100oz. of water a day.
• Count my calories and stick to a certain amount a day, (I'm thinking 1,200-1,400.)
• Exercise 3-5 times per week.
• Develop a good sleeping schedule, (aiming for 6 hours of sleep a night.)
• Do not eat after 8:00pm

I'm hoping if I follow these I will not only lose 10-20 pounds, but feel better and look better. I notice that when I'm living a healthier life I tend to feel better about, well, pretty much everything. When I eat out a lot or scarf down sweets, I always feel bloated and nasty. I want to gain some self confidence and be proud of who I am. The weight loss thing isn't my biggest concern, I mostly just want to feel better being myself.

I will weigh myself tomorrow morning, just so I can keep track, and let you all know how I'm doing over the next three months! (I'm also hoping that if I track my progress on a blog, it will motivate me to NOT cheat at all. This is going to be difficult, but what in life isn't?)

Wish me luck!!

P.s. Also, to help me decide which foods will be best for me and help me get the greatest results, I will be following the Glycemic Index Diet. I have done this once before and wish I would have never stopped. It made me feel better than anything else I've tried, and sometimes you need those lists of what you can and cannot eat right in front of your face to get you started.

Brooklyn!

When Zachary left on his mission I felt like my life had ended. We had spent at least a little time together almost every day for two years. We were inseparable. We were perfect, and he made me happier than anything else. I remember saying goodbye to him in his driveway, (most difficult moment ever,) and then bawling the entire way home. Once I got home I sat with my dad and cried while I watched Glee, (haha.) I don't think I got any sleep at all the first few nights he was gone. All I could think about was how difficult the next two years were going to be, all alone. I'm the type of girl, correction, I was the type of girl that once I'd get a boyfriend I'd stop hanging out with all of my other friends and I'd focus all my time and energy on the boy. (Not a good thing, but it's how I was.)

So there I was, my boyfriend, best friend, only friend, was on a mission and I was completely alone for two years. . .At first. After a few nights of crying myself to sleep, my little sister, Brooklyn, began talking to me a little. She said she wanted to have a sleepover in my room, so we did. And I realized something, when she slept in my room with me I was able to keep myself from crying. The first couple months Zach was gone she slept in my room a lot. I don't know if she did it because she knew it kept me from crying, or because she just wanted to hang out with me, but she helped me so much more than she knows.

Two months after Zach left I moved my bedroom from the basement to the upstairs, across the hall from hers. As soon as I was moved upstairs, we became best friends. She would always leave me cute little notes on my bed and door telling me how much she loved me or how awesome I am, she'd sneak into my room at night to watch movies with me, and we went everywhere together. Our favorite thing to do was go to Allred and J.Wride concerts, (we LOVE these bands.)

A year after Zach had been gone, I moved out of my parent's house. The hardest thing about this was leaving my little sister. It was so fun living across the hall from her, and even though I only moved a little more than five minutes away, it still sucks not being five seconds from her. She got a cell phone for Christmas so now we're able to text whenever we want, and we still go to concerts and do other things together, we're still best friends. And that makes me so happy because I was so worried when I moved out that we wouldn't be close anymore. It is a little harder to do things now, because I'm so busy and she can't just hang out with me for a couple hours every night, but we do still get together when we can.

I love Brooklyn more than she knows. She is the coolest little sister and I love that I can tell people my best friend is my little sister. She is the most beautiful, awesome, amazing sister ever!

I love you Brooklyn!!

Waiting.

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My boyfriend is also LDS; he is currently serving a mission and will be returning in the middle of October. Here are a few questions I am asked way too often: 

How long did you and your missionary date before he left?

I tell people two years because it's much easier than counting the months. We became exclusive on January 1, 2008 and he left October 14, 2009, so we dated for a year and ten and a half months before he left. (We've been good friends since 2005 though.)

Are you waiting and dating?

If the opportunity comes up and I get asked out on a date, then sure I'll go. I like getting to know new people and I know that if I don't date at least a little while he's gone then I'll regret it. I've been stood up a few times and been on a couple of bad dates since he left, (and one good one but that's only because it was with an old friend who's serving a mission in Spain now.) So has my dating experience since he's been gone been good? No, not quite. But am I waiting and dating? I guess so, yes.

What has it been like since he left?

This is a bit of a complicated question. I will tell you how a few of the months were. . .

          Month 1: Extremely difficult. I found myself crying everywhere I went; in the car, on the way to class, at work, every night. It was not fun. It was also very lonely. Zach and I had spent almost every night hanging out for two years, it was quite a shock to just not have him around anymore.

          Month 4: Got a little easier, I had become friends with some other girls who have missionaries also. I finally had friends! We were hanging out and talking about our missionaries. It really helped having friends that knew exactly what I was going through and could relate.

         Month 12: It seemed unreal when it got here, I could not believe it had been a year already. It was a very depressing month as I was beginning to remember all the feelings I'd had exaclty a year ago. I didn't like it and it wasn't easy. Luckily, I'd rekindled an old friendship with a friend that was friends with Zachary also, so I had someone who knew him that could talk with me about him. It helped.

         Month 17 (current month): Not any easier. Now that I'm getting close to his six months left mark, I'm beginning to freak out. I've gotten so used to him being gone, I'm getting so nervous! I have no idea what it's going to be like when he gets back. I don't feel ready either, I want to lose about 15-20 pounds and buy a new wardrobe before he gets home. I better get busy working on that!

Do you think you two will get married?

That's a hard question. It's something I could see happening and it's something that I would love to happen, but I can't say that yes I think we will get married because I am not psychic. Do I hope we get married, though? Yes!!!

Waiting is definitely not the easiest thing in the world. There are good days and there are bad days. There are days when you're mad he left you, and there are days when you remember why he's gone and you're proud of him. I am very thankful for this experience. As hard as it may be, I am learning so much that I wouldn't have ever learned otherwise. And so, that brings me to the next part of this post:

Things That I Have Learned Waiting For A Missionary That I Would Have Never Learned Had I Not Made The Decision To Wait For Him!

• Friends are important. You may think that all you need is your significant other to be happy, but that is not true. I have made so many friends since Zachary left that I would have never made otherwise. Jordan, Lesha, Kristin, Lara, Laurie, Emily, Tay, Brooklyn, and the list just goes on and on. I cannot stress enough how important girl friends are especially. What I would do without these girls in my life I do not know. Every girl needs some girl friends, and I am so grateful for mine! I love these girls (and Jordan) so stinking much! SO so much!
• Distance only makes the love stronger. I think a long distance relationship brings out a completely different type of love that you never experience unless you go through it. Loving each other through letters is an amazing experience. We are able to discuss things that were never talked about in person. Since we're only communicating through letters, the love in the letters are so much stronger.
• Not only does the missionary receive blessings for serving a mission, but the ones who support what he's doing do as well! When I am doing all I can to help Zachary be the best missionary he can be, I see changes in my own life. I feel like I am receiving so many blessings, and I have seen a dramatic change in my life in certain areas.
• People change, and it's not always a bad thing. I was always scared of change and scared that Zach and I would change too much while he was gone. Well he's been gone for a year and a half, and I have learned that it is truly impossible for someone not to change in that amount of time. Fortunately, change is not always a bad thing. I have noticed not only in Zachary, but in myself, changes in us that have made us better people. We are fixing our flaws and becoming better people.

I am so grateful for this experience and would not trade it for the world. I love my missionary more than anything, and even though it's extremely difficult, it's comforting knowing that he's doing what he's supposed to be and we will be greatly blessed in the future because of it.

Little Picassos To Be

I live in the same house as my older brother and sister. My brother and his fiance' live upstairs, I live on the main level, and my sister and her family have a basement apartment below me. So it can be a pretty fun house. This morning I was tidying up my bedroom when I got a phone call from my sister.

"Hey are you busy, because I want to take a shower, but my girls won't be good long enough for me to do that. Do you mind if they come up and hang out with you for a little bit?"

I love my little nieces,  so of course I said yes! I have two nieces, Lynnli, who turns three years old next week but talks like she's six, and Alyssa, the silent but sweet one who turns two in August. The girls came upstairs and we decided to watch Spongebob together. We turned it on halfway through so we just finished the episode. I then wanted to get ready for the day so I went to bathroom to do my hair. Lynnli was very into the next show, Max and Ruby, but Alyssa was bored. When Alyssa gets bored she gets into anything and everything. I came out of the bathroom just in time to see her getting ready to pull all of my alphabetized DVDs out. I stopped her, and then realized TV was not enough to keep these busy bodies busy! I got out a couple clipboards, some paper, and some crayons, hoping it would entertain the girls. And it did! Who knew they loved coloring so much?! It worked wonders! I was able to do not only my hair, but my make up too! After I finished getting ready I looked at their pictures, and wow, they are quite the little artists! Even though it was only scribbling, the pictures they made were super colorful (my favorite) and pretty awesome looking. Go Lynnli and Alyssa! Woo!

Don't Worry, Be Happy

A few weeks back I was working with my kids and the lesson that day was on being happy. We talked about what real happiness is and how to find it. The kids had been having a hard time with being happy that week so I encouraged them to write a list of 50 things that make them happy. A list that they can pull out and look at when they're sad or having a bad day. They wrote it a lot quicker than I expected, and it really did help cheer them up. They had forgotten about all the sweet little things in life that make us smile. Things that we often take for granted. I went home that night feeling satisfied with the lesson, knowing that I had helped them, at least for a day, remember how to be happy. But as I was making that 35 minute drive back to my house I got thinking. I take way too much for granted, and I always overlook the little things in life. I tend to dwell on the negative. Too too too much. Lately it's gotten even worse as I've had a few more trials jump into my life. Nothing I can't handle, but I sure complain like I'm not going to be able to deal with it. So, I'm trying something new. Somehting that I hope will help me become a happier, more positive person. I am going to write a list of 50 things that make me happy. Things I can think about and do any time I'm feeling down. I know it's not something that will make everything better, but it's a start right?

1. Letters
2. Coloring Books
3. Movies
4. Driving
5. Fun socks

6. Yummy food

7. Wrapping paper
8. Painting my nails

9. Having my hair played with
10. Robots
11. Days off work
12. Plane rides
13. Phone calls
14. Writing in cursive
15. Being organized
16. Baking
17. Yahtzee, Scrabble, and Jenga
18. Taking a nap
19. Sleepovers
20. Taking pictures

21. Music Videos
22. Wearing sweats and a hoodie
23. Laughing hysterically
24. Word searches
25. Getting hugs
26. Zumba
27. Brushing my teeth
28. Chewing Wrigley's Original Bubble Gum
29. Giving and receiving compliments
30. Subway sandwiches
31. My friends

32. Baths
33. Singing at the top of my lungs
34. Making watches
35. Getting good grades
36. Finishing a great book
37. Making lists
38. Losing weight
39. School supplies
40. Slinkies
41. Magazines
42. Drawing and Painting
43. Ikea
44. Slolum Skiing
45. Shooting
46. Boyfriend and his family

47. Warm weather
48. Downtown
49. Trying something new
50. Remembering good memories

So now that my list is finished, I challenge you to write one. Not only is it fun to write, (I do like writing lists,) but I honestly feel it really helps you remember not to take the littlest things in life for granted. Also, I'd like to know if anyone else has any advice on ways to be happy? Let me know! K?

Thanks! S'much!

Stuck

Once upon a time I decided to share a story with you. . . .

And then I changed my mind because I realized the story actually sounded much better in my head than on paper. . . er. . . computer screen.


So now I'm stuck. I don't know what to write about. (Do I ever know?) Something is going on with me lately. Really though! Usually I can go on and on about anything and everything for hours, for days, for weeks! Lately, I haven't been able to write about anything. I've had trouble writing notes at work, (which is odd because it's only facts in the notes, those shouldn't be a problem.) I've struggled figuring out what to write about in letters to my missionary, my school assignments that should be easy peasy to write are diff-i-cult, and now I can't seem to blog. Gaaaaaaar! What's going on with me??!

Hey, writing about not being able to write about anything is actually easy to write about!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend! I feel like I'll be writing another post tonight. I just need to figure out what to write about. So prepare yourself for more boring words.

Found on Etsy. . . What The !??!?!!

You can stop searching high and low for a pair of pants with 43 hand sewn sperm on them, 'cause here they are!

WTF?!!

Three Little Words

I've been trying to think of something to write for days. I am completely clueless. Com.Plet.Ey. It's so frustrating because I want to desperately blog, but how do you blog when you're mind is blank? Maybe Spring Break shut my brain off, if that's the case I'll be able to blog more Monday. Awww no. School on Monday. Huuuuaggggg. <--- Me throwing up. Not a fan of school, not at all. Anyway, since I don't really know what to blog about, I'll just tell you about the book I'm currently reading.

I'm not a fan of vampire books, harry potter, any sci-fi, etc. I am more into reading real life stories. Stories that are either true, or stories that could have really happened. The book I am currently reading is titled Three Little Words. It's a true story about a little girl named Ashley who gets taken from her mother when she's three and put into foster care. She goes through, I think it's seven homes in three years, and it keeps going on and on. Not every home she gets placed into is a good one. Working with children that go from home to home, it's really interesting to read about one and hear what it's actually like for her. Ashley is around 24 years old now, and is such an amazing girl. When reading the book, it's hard to figure out how a little girl like her didn't just give up, most other children in her position would. She learns from her experience and becomes a better person out of it. If anyone is looking for a good book to read, Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter, is definitely one to look into.

Dating. Not my thing.

My niece is turning three years old on April 3rd. I got her an awesome gift. An adorable, metal (mostly) shopping cart and some little play food and money. Thank you Walmart, I know you don't get enough credit, but I think you are wonderful.

And here it is, I promised (I think) this, and so I will give it to you. My dating life. . .

At 16 I was very, inexperienced. Well of course. I live in Utah, I am Mormon, I didn't even start dating until I was 16 years old. I even got $100 on my 16th birthday for still having virgin lips. Mmhmm. What a good girl am I.
So I turned 16 years old on January 30th. Didn't do anything big and exciting, if you know me then you know I am a bit on the antisocial side. (And completely ok with it.) So, here we go. Since I was now old enough to date, according to my parents, I could start going to the school dances! I wanted my first date to be the Sweethearts dance, so I thought up a really cute way to ask Benjy. I asked him to Sweethearts in a pretty awesome way. Completely covered his room in fun decorations, wrote this awesome thing on a tshirt, the whole shabang. I saw him in Driver's Ed the next week and talked to him, just to make sure everything went as planned. And it did. I was so excited to get answered, right? So I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Finally, after two or so weeks, I called him. I asked him if he was planning on going with me, and I got a response like this,

"Well, I'm just not into the whole dance thing. I don't like dressing up or dancing. So I guess I won't be going with you, so, yeah."

Seriously, Benjy?! Seriously!? I was P.O.ed if you know what I mean. And being the bawl baby that I am, I cried. A whole ton. Mom got furious, called his mom, and got him grounded. (Childish? Maybe. Did I love it? yes sir!) Did I let getting told no get me down though? Nope! The day after he told me no I asked another friend, Jerry, and he said yes right away. Went to the dance and ended up having lots of fun. Thank you Jerry for being the best first date ever. (p.s. I went to every dance my Junior year, and guess who I ran into at every single one? Benjy. You suck, Benjy.)

Shortly after the dance I went on a blind date with a boy, really, I promise it was a boy. He may have looked like a girl from the front, side, and back, but he was a guy. . . I think. He had a guy name, well, it was one of those names that could be for a guy or girl. Crap. I may have gone out with a chick. That would explain a lot actually. In all seriousness though, he had long blonde hair, a little girl, I mean boy face, and super tight jeans. I mean SUPER tight. We went and saw Date Movie and then went bowling. Was it the worst date ever? No. Did I feel like a lesbian? A little bit. Just a little bit.

The rest of being sixteen consisted of having a boyfriend for three months, he ended up being my first kiss. It was cute I guess, I'd had a crush on this boy for a couple years, but it took actually dating him to realize we were not each other's type. At all. He is still a friend I like to talk to once in a while though. He's a pretty awesome guy, true story.

Two weeks after the first boyfriend and I broke up, I got asked out on a date by this boy named Jasper. Uh huh, that was his name. He was dreamy. He sat behind me in Seminary for a semester and I thought he was such a super hot jock. At the time he was all I needed. He was caring, he was sweet, and he paid attention to me. For the first while. Now, before I go any further, this is my side of the story. So anyone who may have a hunch of who I'm talking about, there are two sides to every story. Remember that. Ok, now to go on. After a while I felt he was getting very controlling, but I was "in love" so it was ok. . .or not. We ended up breaking up after 9 months, sort of. We broke up officially, but we continued to date. It was at that point that things got really odd. I wasn't going out with anyone else, but was constantly feeling like I was getting ditched and being used. I even got a sort of unofficial list of things I needed to change before he and I could get back together. Crazy, right? Yeah, huh. (We were so young, remember that too.) One day in September 2007, so I had been 17 for a while, after one of our dates, I got a text from him that just said, "That was the last date," or well, something like that. It was very heartbreaking at the time, but live and learn, right? I did learn a lot from that relationship and wouldn't change anything about it. It was a good experience, he was a great guy, and we just weren't right for each other. 

A few months went by, and with those few months came a few blind dates.

(Whoa sorry for such a long post! Sheesh!)

BLIND DATE 1

I thought I was going on a date with a boy named Danny, turns out he couldn't make it. Instead of telling me, he just sent his friend, Tom. Tom was, well, not my type. We went to go see Pirates 3, (who remembers how long that movie was? Wasn't it, like, 45 hours long?! Blech!) Ok right at the beginning of the movie, Tom snatched my hand and WOULD NOT LET GO. Now you must know this, I am not touchy feely. I do not hold hands. I love hugs, yes. But that's about it. He, no joke, held my hand during the entire film! (Not to mention his hand was all sweaty. Ewwww.) He was also texting, TEXTING, during the entire movie. Not only is it rude to text on a date, but it's just embarrassing and disrespectful to text in a movie! But wait, it gets worse! His phone rings, he looks at me and says, "Sorry I have to take this," and answers! I then hear this:

"Hey man, what's up?"

Pause.
"Nah I'm not doing anything, what're you up to?"

Pause.

"Yeah definitely! Hit me up and we'll do that!"

Pause.

"K. Talk to later man!"

Pause.

"Ok, bye!"

Like really? I guess sitting in a movie, holding a girl's hand, is doing nothing. Huh. At the end of the date we said goodbye, and not five minutes after saying goodnight, I got a text from him.

I wanted to kiss you tonight.

Ew my sick, no. After that, I stopped talking to him and I have not heard from Tom since. Awesome.

Onto the next date. . .

BLIND DATE 2

Held at my sister's house. We watched a movie. He wasn't very cute, but he was nice. His name was, well, we'll call him nameless. I can't remember his real name, so why make up a fake one? The date went pretty well and I was, pleased. He was on some lacrosse team, and he had curly hair. Yep. He sure did. The next week or so after the date we sent flirty text messages back and forth. At one point he asked if I wanted to meet him at a park. I asked what we'd do and he said we would hold hands and eventually make out. Well, I'm not exactly that type of girl. I told him that I don't do that, I got called some words, and never talked to the scum bag again.

BLIND DATE 3

Was set up by a friend. I was told he was perfect for me, so I was pretty excited. We began text messaging before actually meeting. His name was Matt, and he was so sweet. Almost too sweet. I'd wake up with messages like, "Good morning beautiful," well how did he know I was beautiful if we'd never hung out? Confusing, but flattering. We decided to finally meet. He picked me up, and well, he was indeed kinda cute. We went back to his house and decided to watch a movie in the basement. He turned a movie on, and then got upset because I was sitting on the couch instead of the love sac with him. (Once again, I am not a touchy person.) He eventually got me to sit by him, but I was NOT comfortable. About twenty minutes into the movie, he went upstairs. I'm totally not kidding, I dozed off waiting for him to come back down. After 45 long minutes, he came back down and said something about cops. He was with me for about ten minutes and then went back upstairs. . . for twenty more minutes. When he came back down the movie was over so he took me home. He texted me later that he loved the date, (what date? I was by myself practically the whole time!) I was honest and told him how I felt about being left by myself for so long. He called me the B word and told me to never text him again. And that I did.

All right, so then, after all this crap going on, I was feeling pretty desperate. So I started to like this kid at my work, The Golden Corral (awesome,) his name was Sven and he was not my type, but really cute. We never went out, just hung out after work a few times. Didn't last long at all. I don't remember what happened, but it just kinda, stopped. And that was that.

Now that all this had been going on, I was thinking there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't I just go on a good date? Then I realized, guys are just scum. The ones I attract are, anyway. I was feeling pretty down about all this crappy dating when a best friend from tenth grade and I started talking again. Well, we just clicked. He asked me to be his girlfriend on New Years, 2008, and we've been dating ever since. Kind of. He is indeed, the amazing man that I am waiting for. He left in October 2009, and we did decide together that I would wait for him, but I would also date a little. So onto just a couple more dates I'd like to share. . .

DATE 1

My first date since my missionary left was supposed to happen in February 2010. He was a friend from elementary school. We'd been texting lots and he was VERY good looking. So the night came around, I got looking as good as I could. And I waited. And I waited. And I texted. And I waited. And nothing. I wasn't happy about that. A few days later I got a message from him, apologizing for the other night and asking for a second chance. I agreed. So THAT night came. I waited, and I waited, and I texted and waited. NOTHING! Again! I was feeling pretty dumb and very annoyed, so right then I told him to stop talking to me and that's the end of that date. Fun, huh!

DATE 2

Took place in Provo. I stupidly agreed to go meet a local artist for a date. I arrived at his house and wasn't too pleased. His hair was not only long, but it needed to be brushed. We went to get ice cream, and the entire way he talked very badly about some other local artists, that are MUCH more amazing than he was. We got the ice cream and guess who forgot their wallet? So I paid. After that we went back to his place, (no he did not pay me back,) and we watched a movie on his very uncomfortable futon. He not only talked horribly about my religion, but he kept asking questions that were very personal and getting too close to me. I was feeling uncomfortable so I took that as an opportunity to show him by knife and pepper spray. I talked about how exciting it would be to shank someone. . . and how I've always wanted to pepper spray someone. He backed off, and the date ended shortly after that.

After that experience, I decided to stay away from creepy guys, no matter how great their personalities seem. I know my missionary is awesome, so I will just wait for him, thanks.

I'm sure there were a few dates in between those ones, but these are the most memorable ones. SORRY this post is insanely long, wow, I am getting a headache just from writing it! Good for you for reading the entire thing, I just wasted five minutes of your life!

Lesson to learn: NO BLIND DATES!!!!

P.s. Names have been changed. Yes ma'am.